sketchingideals | 3rd sketch - [written - BACKDATED TO THE MORNING OF OCTOBER 21ST]

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3rd sketch - [written - BACKDATED TO THE MORNING OF OCTOBER 21ST]

[For the most part, it's been pretty easy to pretend nothing happened. No one asks, and Jeb kept to himself for the days following it. Unfortunately, that doesn't really change the fact that he was physically assaulted by someone he doesn't even know about a month ago.

After waking up from what felt like the thousandth painful nightmare (whoever stated that you can't feel pain in your sleep was obviously lying), Jeb goes for his journal and begins to write...]

Good morning, everyone! I just have a quick question--it shouldn't take up much of your time at all. I've been having some nightmares [He pauses, hesitantly, before continuing.] about getting hurt. Do any of you have any suggestions that might help with that kind of thing? It would be really appreciated, thank you in advance!

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Getting attacked like that isn't something you should hide.

I just had a few bruises! The clinics were probably being used for more important injuries, right?

[The physical pain had passed, and eventually, those bruises faded into nothing, too. The only thing damage left was on Jeb's psyche.]

That doesn't make it acceptable to not report what happened. It may have healed on its own over time, but you also ran the risk of it being worse than that. How are you to know how busy the clinics may have been if you didn't even ask?

You're right. I'm sorry, I should have reported it. I guess I really wasn't thinking at the time.

[He also blamed himself for what happened, even more than he does now.]

You were scared, and likely blaming yourself, I suppose... in any case, it's already happened. I just hope that for the future, you understand why something like this shouldn't be kept under wraps.

Yeah, I think I do now. He might do it to someone else, right?

[But now the fear of being by himself is getting overwhelming, like something might happen, even though he realizes there's very little chance of that.

It's one of those times where he's seemed to really lost his optimism.]

He has and he will continue to do so, unless something changes. In any case, it's just better for you to avoid all contact with him as much as possible.

[Those words worry him--but not for himself.]

Has he hurt you before, Miss Sage?

I've had to face him a few times. I know what he's capable of.

Is it okay if I ask what exactly he's capable of?

[His handwriting becomes a little bit sloppy in his hesitation. Maybe he doesn't really want to know...]

It's better that you don't know that much. You haven't said very much... but I'm certain you've experienced some of it. He wouldn't hesitate harming anyone for even speaking to him, especially if they said something he didn't agree with.

I guess I'm still a little afraid. There's not much I can do to defend myself against something like that.

Indeed... the best that you can do is to try to avoid contact with him, or contacting others for help should you find yourself in a situation like that. There are a large percentage of people here ready and willing to defend others, after all.

Did he say anything... specific, to you?

[Jeb's handwriting becomes increasingly shaky as he writes, as he recalls.]

That I'm a miserable piece of filth. [Which he agrees with.] That I don't deserve to live. [If it weren't for those who cared about him...] That I'm so worthless, it's disgusting. [Jeb probably agrees with that one the most--why couldn't he fight back? Why couldn't he be stronger? Is he always going to be like...?] That I'm nothing. [But his friends don't think that, do they?] That I don't deserve to

[He tries to steady his now heavily shaking hand before trying to write that last sentence over.] That I don't deserve to exist.

None of that is true, and he didn't have any right to say it.

Do you really think that, Miss Sage?

[He mentally smacks himself for even asking, for letting his low self-esteem be so obvious, but...]

If you really believe that I would believe otherwise, then perhaps we shouldn't be having this conversation.

I guess I just wanted to be reassured, but that's kind of stupid of me. If you're saying it, you obviously mean it, right?

[So why can't he?]

Casting doubt on my words implies that you believe I have the same feelings he does. I can understand wanting to be reassured, but it's not a fair assumption to make.

It's not that I doubt you, Miss Sage! I'm sorry for making you feel like I do. It's not you that I think shares his opinion, I promise.

[...he's shaking again, even if he's willing his body not to as much as he can. In a way, he's just admitted it to someone, didn't he? That he's not optimistic about everything... that he doesn't like himself.

He hasn't brought that up to anyone upon arriving to Luceti, at all.]

Regardless, it isn't true.

[...he's wiping at his eyes now, trying to hold the relieved tears back.]

Thank you, Miss Sage. Thank you so much.

You don't have to thank me for that. In any case, please keep in mind what I've said.

To avoid who attacked me? I'll do my best.

[His anxiousness about what happened just refuses to go away... neither will the nagging voice in the back of his mind that tells him he should still try to help the one who attacked him. He shakes his head. That wouldn't do...]

Sometimes it's still a little bit frightening to be alone. [He pauses and reads what he just wrote, lightly crossing it out before shaking his head again.]

Do you have anyone else here to talk to? Friends, schoolmates? [She almost finds herself suggesting Haruhi's Brigade, given the new premise of the group. But she doesn't think that Haruhi would really be that good of an influence for him.]

3rd sketch - [written - BACKDATED TO THE MORNING OF OCTOBER 21ST]

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